Laughter Remedies

Ouchy Mcnumbface  

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Posted by Ouchy McNumbface (Suffolk, England) on 06/02/2008
0 out of 5 stars

DO NOT .. i repeat DO NOT, EVER put raw, undiluted garlic juice into your ear. I've had an ear infection for most of today, experiencing the normal agony [i've had maybe thirty of these damn infections over the years] and decided that i'd give the garlic juice a try. So i finely chopped seven cloves of garlic, stuck them into a large, plastic syringe [no needle!], put the end of the syringe into my ear and pushed the plunger. I hesitate to call it a plunger, I feel somewhat more inclined to call it a "detonator"; for at that moment the pain in my ear can only be described as... indescribable. I've had broken bones which hurt less than this. I've passed kidney stones which were positively comfortable compared with the insane, unimagineable combination of white-hot blowtorch to the entire right hand side of my face, and dynamite-coated road-drill intent on making a rather large impression/hole on my ear drum. I ran around the room desperately seeking some kind of cure for my newly acquired, self-inflicted facedeath, and in an insane panic managed to: 1: take four pain killers. 2: squirt cold water into my earhole and 3: place a nicotine patch over my ear. I'm not entirely sure what inspired the third choice, but in my insane stupor i think my brain somehow associated nicotine patches with stress/pain relief, so in a cloudy haze of bewildering desperation and nonsensical panic, i slapped 21mg of nicotinell over my earhole.

In a nutshell, it hurts. Don't do it. If you do do it, film it, put it on youtube.